The Case for Winona Ryder

My Dear Winona,

Please come back. I've missed you terribly. Last year I saw Heathers for the first time, and it was like you coming back to life. Last week I saw The Crucible and loved you even more than that handsome Daniel Day-Lewis. When I was a girl, I saw you play Jo March in Little Women, and when I was a bit older I properly fell in love with you in Reality Bites. You are gorg beyond belief and you can actually act and you have style and there's something both bad-to-the-bone and charmingly whimsical about you. Where oh where have you been hiding? So many years, gone! Let me tell you a very important something. No one cares if you steal stuff. We've all committed our own crimes. And the worst crime you ever committed was stealing my heart. Please come back. Just don't come back and play a silly part opposite Adam Sandler (leave those parts for Drew Barrymore), or as a cartoon or a sketch (what was that silly movie with Robert Downey, Jr. scanning darkly?), but please come back as your perfect pixied self. Oh, that pixie cut! I love you, Winona. I do.

Ever Yours,

Anne Elizabeth Pries